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Bad Hair Day/Transcript
:Blythe: (whistling) :(bell dings) :Mrs. Twombly: Oh, I see. Yes. Well, If you're sick, you're sick! Get some rest and get well soon, Raul. Bye now. :Blythe: What's wrong, Mrs. Twombly? :Mrs. Twombly: Oh, Blythe, I'm in such a pickle! My regular groomer just called in sick, and on today of all days! :Blythe: Busy? :Mrs. Twombly: No, just one client. But it's a very important one. Oh, Blythe, what in the world am I going to do? (sighing) Oh... :Blythe: You know, Mrs. Twombly, I could fill in for Raul. :Mrs. Twombly: You? :Blythe: Oh, yeah! I-I've got a lot of experience cutting hair and making things beautiful! :Mrs. Twombly: Hmm. Really? :Blythe: Sure! I mean, I'll have to admit that I've never groomed pets before, but... I used to give fabulous makeovers to my dolls all the time, and they looked pretty awesome. If I do say so myself. :(scissors snipping) :Young Blythe: (gasps) Pretty! :Blythe: (sighs) Yep! I'm the girl for the job, Mrs. T.! You can depend on me. :Mrs. Twombly: Well, I always have been a take-a-chancey Nancy, so... Sure, why not? I'll give you a shot at grooming. :Blythe: (gasps) Oh, you won't regret it! Who's the client? :Mrs. Twombly: Zoe. :Blythe: (gasps) WHOO-HOO! HOO-OOH-OOH! [ Theme Song ] :Blythe: (screams) Seriously?! I get to groom Zoe? (gasps) I can't believe it. T.S.C. -- That's So Cool! :Mrs. Twombly: Yes, well, just do as good a job on Zoe as you did on those dolls of yours. :Blythe: Sure thing, Mrs. T. (squeals) :(bell rings) :Mrs. Twombly: Hello, Mr. Payne. How's everything in the art world? :Mr. Payne: Ah. Dismal as always, Twombly. Being a world-famous art critic isn't all fun and games, you know. What passes for art these days is so much garbage spread on canvas. I'm here to pick up a little something something for Genghis. We saw a dreadful exhibit at the city museum that sent him into a tizzy. :(toy squeaks) :Mr. Payne: Gazooks! :Genghis: (yelps) :Mrs. Twombly: Oh, yes. That's the work of our resident artist, Minka. Sorry about the mess. :Mr. Payne: Mess? Mess?! Are you daft, woman? This work is an artistic masterpiece for the ages! This Minka you speak of is a true, aesthetic genius, destined for superstardom and huge amounts of cash and prizes. What an inspiration! Come on, Genghis, I have regained the will to harshly criticize the art world. Life is good. :Mrs. Twombly: Yes. Well, isn't that nice? :(twinkle) :(indistinct conversations) :Zoe: So, Minka darling, what is the secret of your artistic genius? :Minka: (gasps) I know this one! Well, I (chuckles) the secret is, uh... a secret! :(laughter) :Penny Ling: Oh! :Russell: Minka calls this one "Spider Monkey Freakout". :Vinnie: Ooh. Ooh. I can see it. Yeah, there's the monkey's head and there's the butt. Uh, no, no. Wait. There's the monkey's butt, and there's the head. :(splat) :Sunil: Ooh, this one is depressing and oddly familiar. What does she call it? :Russell: "The Back of Blythe's Head". :Vinnie: Ooh! Ooh! I can see it. There's Blythe's head. And, ooh, I love Minka's creative use of mixed media. You know, in this case, fur commingled with paint. It's very avant-garde. What? I can be smart in fantasies. :Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, hipsters, the magnificent Minka will now demonstrate her mad art skills with a super cool, uh, demonstration! :(splashing) :(cheers and applause) :Minka: Blythe! You're here. I was hoping you'd come to my arty party. Between you and me, all of this is a little overwhelming. And it's really good to see a friendly face really, really close! :Blythe: (snaps fingers) :Minka: Hey, where'd my fantasy go? :Blythe: Ready to be groomed by a pro, Zoe? :Zoe: (screams) Raul's here? :Blythe: No, silly. He's sick, so I'm gonna be grooming you. Isn't that the coolest thing ever?! :Zoe: You? Do you have any experience as a groomer? And does Mrs. Twombly know about this? :Blythe: Okay. Second question first -- Yes, Mrs. T. knows all about it. She practically begged me to fill in. And first question second -- Well, I've never actually cut a dog's hair before, I do have a ton of prior experience. So, are you ready for a whole new you? :Russell: Uh, Minka... Ugh! ...Can, uh, we talk? :Minka: Of course we can. You couldn't ask me that question if you couldn't talk, and I couldn't answer your question if I couldn't talk, so yeah, we can talk. :Russell: Minka, focus, please. Now that you're gonna be a big art star, I just wanted to offer my help to guide you through all this craziness. I could be your agent. :Minka: You'd watch out for me? :Russell: I'm a helper, Minka. Ii's what I do. :Minka: The usual 10%? :Russell: Deal. :Vinnie: Awesome. We can all help Minka reach the top. :Russell: Well, uh, hold on there. :Sunil: Yes. Even I will help, although I can't say that anyone's ever done the same for me. :Russell: I-I don't know about that. :Pepper: Relax, Russell. It's all about positioning the brand. Am I right? Finding the meaning behind Minka's arty-type stuff and then using that to sell her to the public. :Penny Ling: What's the meaning behind this painting, Minka? :Minka: Well -- :Pepper: It obviously represents the struggle of the masses. :Minka: Actually -- :Sunil: The sadness of flowers, obviously. :Vinnie: Ooh! Ooh! I got it! Uh, no, I don't got it. :Russell: I think it probably has many meanings on different levels all far too advanced for us non-artists to understand. :(indistinct conversations) :Minka: I'll tell you what it means. It means I was just having fun. :Blythe: And then Janie told Sarah that she thought red was her natural color, but Hannah knew it wasn't. So Hannah told Alice what Janie said about Sarah. And then Tommy told her that he liked girls with red hair, anyway. But you can't tell anyone I told you that, okay? (chuckles) The girl that cuts my hair goes on and on like that. I don't know how she talks so much and cuts hair at the same time. Okay, Zoe, I think we're all d-- :(scissors snipping) :Young Blythe: (gasps) Pretty! :Blythe voice-over: I used to give fabulous makeovers to my dolls all the time. And they looked pretty awesome. :Blythe: This isn't good. :Zoe: Did you say something, Blythe? :Blythe: Uh, I said, "this looks good". :Zoe: Oh, fabulous. This is a very big day for me. When John and Clarissa come to pick me up this afternoon, we're going directly to the prestigious Manchester Kennel Club dog show. :Blythe: You're going to be in a dog show this afternoon? :Zoe: Yes. The most famous one in the whole country! And with your grooming, I'm sure to win prettiest superstar... or whatever they call the winners. Don't you think? :Blythe: (shakily) Uh-huh. :Zoe: Now, where's a mirror? I want to see how beautiful you made me. :Zoe: So, how about that mirror? :Blythe: Uh, we're all out of mirrors. :Zoe: How can you run out of mirrors? Isn't there one in this drawer? :Blythe: NO! :(crash) :Blythe: (chuckles) :Russell: So, you see, Minka, as your agent, I'll be doing my best to carefully and slowly grow your career, nurturing it like a tiny flower bud that will eventually blossom. Will you please stop fussing with my hair? This is very important. I want you to become a world-famous artist whose works are in constant demand. :Minka: I'm not sure I want to be a world-famous artist. I just want to be a paint, paint, paintery, painter, PAINTER-R-R-R-R! :Russell: I know that, Minka, but if we follow my plan, you'll be so successful that you can be a "paintery painter" any time you want. :Minka: Well... :Vinnie: Meeting! :Russell: Meeting? I wasn't told about any meeting. :Pepper: (clears throat) Welcome, everyone, to the launch of our new product -- Minka, Inc. :Penny Ling: I wanted to call it "Minka Inca". :Pepper: Yeah, we've been through this. That doesn't make sense. :Penny Ling: But it's cuter. :Pepper: It doesn't make any sense. "Minka Inca" -- what does that even mean? :Sunil: People, please, our client is here. :Russell: Our client? Really, you guys, you need to go through me with any future meeting requests. And make sure to at least have a fruit tray or something. :Pepper: Anyhoo, moving on. Our angle of attack through... Minka Inc. is to create a website to sell her art online, host multiple gala art-gallery openings attended by top critics, and eventually build and launch the S.S. Minka luxury cruise ship. :Russell: I like that, but what does that have to do with her art? :Pepper: Art, schmart. It's got nothing to do with it. :Vinnie: It has to do with us becoming rich and famous! :Pepper: Bingo, bango, bongo. So (chuckles) what do you think, Minka? :Minka: (muffled) Um, can you repeat the part after "Welcome, everyone"? :Sunil: Minka, we're going to need a lot more of your paintings if we're going to pull this off. :Russell: We? What's this "we" stuff? :Vinnie: So, you're gonna have to get busy making pretty stuff. :Penny Ling: That's right. Focus on being a genius, Minka. :(paint dripping) :Minka: (whimpering) :Pepper: What is she doing? :Russell: Uh, focusing on being a genius? :Zoe: Blythe, I really must see what you've done. Now, I demand a mirror. Oh, there's one. :Blythe: What? NO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O! :(thuds) :Zoe: (gasps) (squeals, barks) :Blythe: Oh, Zoe, I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am. I should have been paying attention to what I was doing, but I was so proud that I was grooming you that I sort of was in my head the whole time and I-I promise I'll find a way to make everything right. I just don't want anyone to see you like this, especially Mrs. Twombly. :Zoe: Look at me. I'm ruined! RUINED! (sighs) Oh, I feel faint. :Mrs. Twombly: I thought I heard a yell back here. Is everything okay? :Blythe: Oh, yeah. We're... cool. I was just giving Zoe my special pet spa treatment. It soothes as it beautifies. :Mrs. Twombly: Oh, that sounds just like the cat's pajamas. :Blythe: (laughs) :Mrs. Twombly: Was it that funny? Hmm. Anywho, I would love some soothing and beautifying, so maybe you could give me your special spa treatment later. :Blythe: Maybe I could. (laughs nervously) Yeah. :Mrs. Twombly: Mm-hmm. :Blythe: (sighs) :Zoe: Blythe, I think I just dreamt that you groomed me and it came out terrible. It wasn't a dream. IT'S A NIGHTMARE! :Blythe: Zoe, I am so, so sorry. I'll fix this. I promise. :Zoe: You know, it'll go a lot easier for you if you just admit your ginormous mistake. :Blythe: But I can't stand the thought of leaving you like this, not to mention disappointing Mrs. Twombly. I'll figure out something. :Zoe: I'd like to see how you're going to do that. :Blythe: Oh, thank you, Zoe! I knew you'd understand. :Penny Ling: What's wrong with Minka? :Sunil: She's completely shut down. I am reminded of how the cowardly cobra behaved when confronted with my fearsomeness. They turn off like a light switch. :Vinnie: We got to get this monkey painting again. Now, come one, Minka, right now. You're the only thing standing between me and fame and fortune. Can you please, please start painting? Oh! We can't sell air paintings! Wait. Can we? :Pepper: Minka! All of this delicious fruit can be yours for the low, low cost of one artistic masterpiece. :Russell: Glad to see you took my advice about the fruit tray. :Penny Ling: (munching) :(door opens) :Penny Ling: Hmm? :Pepper: Blythe, we need your advice on something! :Blythe: Not now! I have a grooming emergency! :Sunil: And we've got a painting emergency. You're her agent. Isn't there anything you can do? :Russell: Uh, tell everyone she's the world's greatest pantomime painter? :Blythe: There. I can do this. I can fix my mistake before anyone knows it was my mistake. All it's gonna take is a little high-energy problem solving. :(clippers whirring) :(buzzing) :Zoe: (whines) :Blythe: Nope. :(wheel spinning) :Blythe: There. Not too bad. :Zoe: Except that it's terribly itchy. :Blythe: (sighs) :(squirt) :Blythe: Okay. That's better. Just got to dry the glue. :(hairdryer whirs) :(splat) :(whirring stops) :Zoe: What in the world is that? :Blythe: You'll see. :(machine whirring) :Zoe: You know, this just might work...as long as I don't move. :Blythe: (sighs) :(P.A. system screeches) :Mrs. Twombly: Blythe, space cadet Twombly here. When I was back there, I forgot to tell you that John and Clarissa are on their way to pick up Zoe. They should be here in about 10 minutes. Twombly out. :Blythe: I've tried everything I could think of, but nothing worked. :Zoe: Agreed. :Blythe: Is there anything else I can do, anything at all? :Zoe: Apparently not, so -- :Blythe: I have to come clean on this to Mrs. Twombly and admit to my crimes against good grooming. :Zoe: And me! Don't forget I am the real victim here. :(squeaking) :Penny Ling: Minka? Are you in there? You know, I can't help feeling that this is kind of our fault. :Vinnie: What? That's ridiculous. We're trying to help her. :Sunil: That's right. We only have her best interest at heart. :Pepper: Yeah, but I think her best interest is not the same as our best interest. Penny Ling might be right. We put too much pressure on our little monkey because we want to be rich and famous more than she does. :Russell: I blame myself for letting this happen. I've got to be the worst agent in the history of the world. :Penny Ling: That's a fair statement. :Pepper: The absolute worst. :Russell: Hey! :(bell dings) :Mrs. Twombly: Well, hello, John and Clarissa. You must be here for Zoe. :Clarissa: Hi, Mrs. Twombly. We sure are. :John: Well, where is she? Where's our little Zo-Zo? :Blythe: (gasps) (breathing heavily) Come on, Zoe. It's time to get what's coming to me. :Zoe: I'll tell you what's not coming to you, darling -- a big tip. :Russell: I need to consult with my client privately, please. That means "Leave us alone". :Vinnie: Oh. :Pepper: Walking away, people. :Penny Ling: Just say so. :Russell: Minka, I know you can hear me, so I just wanted to say that I apologize for not being a better agent and looking out for your interests. I need you to do something for me. I need you to forget about everybody else's plans for you. Forget about how we wanted you to be an art superstar so that we could glom onto you and become rich and famous ourselves. I want you to just be yourself, Minka. Will you do that for me? Will you do that for yourself, Minka? :Minka: (sighs) Really, Russell? :Russell: Yes! I want you to go back to doing your art... Just for the fun of it. We'll forget about all that other junk. :Minka: (sighs) Oh, thank you, Russell! You're a good agent, after all. :Russell: Well (chuckles). :Minka: (gasps) :Russell: What's wrong? :Minka: Ow, spines! Prickly spines! Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! :Minka: Ow, ow, ow! :Russell: Okay, Minka, I think that's enough. I -- :Minka: Quiet, Russell! Something's not right. :(up-tempo music plays) :(beeping) :Minka: (gasps) :Russell: What's wrong Minka? :Minka: Not now, Russell. I have an art emergency! :Clarissa: Blythe, so nice to see you. What have you been up to, sweetie? :Blythe: Well... :(whip! zip!) :Mrs. Twombly: Well, Blythe totally saved my bacon today and stepped in when my groomer called in sick. :(both gasp) :John: Raul's... sick? :Clarissa: And Blythe stepped in? :John: And groomed our Zoe? (groans) :Clarissa: But we entered her in the Manchester Kennel Club dog show. :Mrs. Twombly: I know! (chuckles) Isn't that wonderful? Blythe told me she's had lots of experience giving makeovers... to her dolls. :John: (gasps) Dolls?! (groans) :Blythe: Okay. I admit it. I, Blythe Baxter, am 100% responsible for what you are about to see. :Mrs. Twombly: (singsong voice) Sounds like somebody had a big bowl of self-esteem for breakfast. :Clarissa: (gasps) Oh! :John: (gasps) She's... beautiful! :Blythe: She's what?! :Zoe: (barks) :Minka: (thumbs up) :Mrs. Twombly: Now, I think I get some of the credit for being smart enough to give you a chance, don't I? :Blythe: Well... :Mrs. Twombly: How would you like to become my official backup groomer? :Blythe: Oh, no! I couldn't possibly accept your kind and generous offer, Mrs. T. You see, I need to focus on my fashion line 'cause that's where my heart lies. Besides, I think I may have overestimated my hair-cutting skills just a tad. :Zoe: (barks) :Pepper: Uh, sorry, Minka! :Minka: That's okay. :Vinnie: Yeah, we didn't mean to make you feel bad. :Minka: Don't worry about it. :Sunil: Do you think you could pain me just one itty-bitty painting I could sell? :Russell: Sunil! :Sunil: All right. Never mind! :Minka: Thanks, Sunil. You're a pal. :Blythe: And I want to thank you, Minka. You really saved the day for me, although I do feel kind of weird that I didn't get in trouble for what I did to Zoe. :Minka: Oh, don't worry. You will! :Blythe: Wait. What? :(dogs barking) :(cheers and applause) :(crowd gasps) :Zoe: Ah... choo! :(splat) :Zoe: (whimpers) :John: (groans) Category:Transcripts Category:Season 1 transcripts